How many times in your life have you been on the pursuit of a goal and then you come across something telling you that you couldn’t have the thing that you have been chasing? How many of you just listened because somewhere deep down you felt like they were right, you didn’t deserve happiness, you don’t deserve your happy ending. I’m sure a lot of you may have thought to yourself, I deserve this. This person, thing or the sign that just told me that I was unworthy knew your deepest and darkest fears. This thing that is outside of you is telling you that it knows you better than you know yourself, robbing you of your life’s ambition. 

Has this happened to you before?

This came to me in the form of a youtube video. I have been obsessively trading and refining my forex strategy for four years now. The mentor that I have been following, paid for his course and took all my advice from, released a video. The video was a realistic viewpoint of what trading life really looked like. I always understood the work, the sleepless nights, the stress. I never thought for a second that I would be driving a $400 000 dollar car or living in a mansion. My goals were much more humble, I just wanted some extra cash so I could upgrade our experience on this earth. For years my disembodied guides have been leading me to this career, when I doubted myself I would get revelation after revelation that I was on the right path. I felt like this path was ordained for me, my job was uncovering fractals in the finacle world. This was perfect for me because I see mother nature’s fractals all around me and it brought me closer to God when I could see the fractals in forex.  Until that day I landed on this video and I was crushed. I knew this didn’t apply to me, I was grinding, putting in the work to learn the fundamental skills that I needed to apply it to the forex world. I knew but deep down I bought this nonsense. I bought that I didn’t deserve to reach my goal, I bought that this guy was making me feel like every other punk kid that wanted to get rich quick on forex. I bought into it without my soul’s permission and that was the moment I lost a piece of myself. 

“What exactly do you think you deserve, it better be good because that is exactly what you will get. ” – Yammi

I woke up with no motivation, screaming at the heavens what do you want from me? What good am I now? I invited a thief into my mind, he came and stole my dreams. He came and left me empty all because I wasn’t willing to honor myself, my commitment, my hard work, my abilities. I didn’t recognize my worthiness and I cowarded away like a small child, living my “poor me” drama. 

Then the universe offered up to me a situation in which I could no longer be in my pity party, it was no longer logical.  I was in a lineup to retrieve my car that was towed. Here they made me present all my information, registration, drivers and insurance. I had everything necessary to retrieve my car but there was a gatekeeper. This person insisted that I did not have all the required information because I was missing the second portion of my registration with my name on it. Here is the thing, you cannot register your vehicle without your insurance. So logic would tell you that if your name is on the insurance papers and the vin number matches the vin and the plate on the portion of the registration that I had that I would definitely have to be the owner. However this gatekeeper would not let me through the doors. She insisted I needed more information. Then it happened. 

I don’t know why it came out but it did, I went full on banshee about how it is illogical for my name and my information to match all this paperwork and for them to have access to a system that could confirm all this, for it not to be enough information. This person was just unwilling to see the logic. 

Logic allowed me to see my upper hand. Logic is what this gatekeeper lacked.I realize now that this blowout was me retrieving the broken pieces of my soul. Here is the thing about gatekeepers that we should all understand. They are disembodied from you, they aren’t smarter than you, they can’t judge your capabilities. We are capable of anything, I am a celestial being of infinite intelligence stuck in a tiny meat suit for heaven’s sake. This lesson that was presented to me allowed me to see who I was, where I went wrong and just how damn valuable I was to this experience. So valuable that there was an entire experience constructed in my external world to show me exactly who the fuck I was.  Language, I know, but I’ve got the fire burning now. We only have one life and the experience that you allow is the one that you will get. What exactly do you think you deserve, it better be good because that is exactly what you will get.